It is in the space between the problem and the solution where all the goodies are.
As I typed the title of this post, I realized that I am doing so right at the starting line of a New Year: 2017. It is a coincidence, as I started this clearing process several weeks ago, but pertinent, nonetheless.
The title comes from a course I am taking online through a website called Daily OM. It consists of daily lessons, or even short meditations, designed to help you clear out your home and, more importantly, your mind and emotions. The full title of the course is A Year To Clear What Is Holding You Back.
It is really helpful because it not only helps you organize your home, but it also teaches you how to look at all the stuck emotions we tend to attach to “things” around us. A couple days ago, the lesson stated, “It is in the space between the problem and the solution where all the goodies are.” This really struck me. In fact, I said it out loud to myself several times.
Whether exposure occurs the day after an affair begins, or years after it ended, it marks the start of the relationship renewal process. The unfaithful spouse may wonder why an event from the past requires so much present attention, but the wounded spouse only begins to work through the hurt and confusion of the betrayal once it is known. The moment of affair exposure is so significant in a marriage that it is often referred to as “D-day,” the day on which infidelity was either discovered or disclosed.
Affairs are revealed by many different means, but all of them fit into one of three categories: affairs revealed by the unfaithful partner’s disclosure, by the betrayed partner’s discovery, or a combination of both.
My parents use to live near a man who owned a lawn care business. Guess who had the worst lawn in the neighborhood? Sometimes it's easier to clean up other people's messes than your own.
Counseling can be the same way. I sit across from clients in a room, readily encouraging them to walk with me into vulnerable places. But when I sat across from my wife at The Broken Egg the other morning, listening to her tell me how she sometimes felt disconnected from me, I wanted grab my french toast and finish it under the table.